Thinking

I enjoy alone time. I like to think. My brain provides plenty of entertainment.  I keep wanting to say "pensar". My brain is in Spanish mode apparently.  

I have been thinking about my Cheyenne years a lot recently.  I miss them dearly. I just, up and abandoned them. I didn't even say goodbye to my house. Like, I know that is silly but that kind of left a sore spot in me.  I was angry that week before I left. I just quickly said some goodbyes and left. I didn't even acknowledge it as much as I should have.  Plus, my house held lots of important memories that I don't want to forget. With special people that I don't want to forget. To be honest, that is the place that I always am in my dreams. I have not had one dream about our place in St. Louis. I really don't mind either. That is where a piece of me is.  I can still feel the wind and smell that fresh, prairie air.  I can see a thousand different sunsets over the hill.  I can smell the barbecue.  I can feel the air flowing through the house on a cool summer evening. I wish I would have taken a moment to look back on this sooner. I refuse to forget it.  

I wish it was summer. Good memories always come from summer. I don't care what anyone says, summer is my favorite season. I love heat. I love warm nights more than anything.  I guess I always associated night with being cold. That is why I adore it when it is warm at night. Arizona brought some good nights. It was still like 80 degrees. That was heaven.  I really like all weather, but prefer warm.  I will probably live on the equator when I grow up.  

It is kind of weird to say that because, I am practically grown up now. But, I mean, I am still a kid, but I am getting to be the oldest kind of kid there is.  I will never lose my kid spirit either.

I think being forced to grow up a little too fast will help with that. But, I am really a carefree kind of person.  I just want to have fun.  I will definitely have my own swing set in my backyard and a huge trampoline. Bigger than normal.  Those were good memories too! Jumping on a trampoline with a sprinkler underneath is probably the best way to cool down in the summer time.  

I didn't think about what I was supposed to think about today.  I just don't know how to grieve. Its not such an easy thing.