Bothered

It boggles my mind how girls my age can be happy with their children. Yes. Their children. Are you insane? You are 18-19 and have a child. Do you even have a job that pays more than 7 dollars an hour? I mean, I see happy girls with their facebook statuses that are updates about their children. 'So and so makes me happy but is keeping me up at night...' or something equally dumb. And yeah, ok, babies are cute but...they grow up. They are going to turn into you. If it is a girl especially. That girl is statistically at a much higher risk to have a teen pregnancy when she was born from a teen pregnancy. So...way to keep a tradition going...I am just glad I am not a part of that tradition. Ok, yeah, I guess I didn't choose what family situation to be born into but I sure as hell choose not to start that business. And seriously, in todays day and age, there are a LOT of birth control options. Are you that dense that you can't have your partner pick up some damn condoms on the way over? Are you that horny that you can't just fucking wait? Oh and don't get me started on the 'Oh, we're in love' excuse. Because you aren't in love. Just because you can stick your parts together does not constitute love. I really just don't see how you can be happy to be a mom at this age. You should be in college enjoying growing up and seeing the world and learning things and making friends. Not skipping all that and immediately going to what your mom is still doing. I mean, the grandma is probably going to do most of the raising of that child in those situations anyway because the mom is still a kid. And no matter how much of a good person the father is, he is not going to stay with the family 99% of the time. Sorry. You should have realized that when you found out he just wanted to get in your pants.

Then there is the issue of 12 year olds having sex and, this one is the best, 'sexting'. Hell. No. I can't even contemplate that kids are so bored and, well, I didn't even have a cell phone until I was probably 15 anyway, but like, you are in, what grade...6th grade when you are 12? So you are sitting in your elementary school...junior high some places, and you are texting some boy/girl about your boobs/penis? Honestly? Do you even know what you are talking about? If you are a girl, do you even have boobs yet? No. You haven't even hit puberty. Learn about the damn civil war or something. I don't even think anyone under the age of 15ish should be allowed to have a cell phone. Or those younger can have those cell phones that all they can do is call 3 numbers. Mommy, Daddy and 911. That's about all they need to do anyway. Be a frickin kid. Why do you need to 'sext' when you are so young? You should only be just learning about that stuff. Don't dwell on something that will rule your entire life. Just be a kid. Go play on the playground. Being outside is something that no one even does anymore. Personally, going outside is one of my favorite things. Kids need to learn to not be on their phones and not be on the computer and just go outside. If I ever have kids, that is exactly what I am doing (hopefully, if they inherit anything from me, it will be my love for the outdoors so I won't have to worry) I will kick them out after breakfast and then throw a snack at them for lunch and then call them back at dinner time. That is how it should be.

I do know several teen moms and I have nothing against them. Actually, the people that I know seem like they are pretty responsible. No offense to any of them. I just have so many plans and dreams and goals to accomplish, places to go and people to see. Being stuck at a day job with a kid to support is not in those plans.

Zoo

I have a bit of a rant. May not be that long because I need to sleep as I have to return to the zoo bright and early tomorrow.

Ok so today I was working on the floor cleaning exhibits and what not. Number 24 is empty because they are going to move a big tree in there and possibly change it to a mulch exhibit and etc. I walk over to talk to Frank who is removing some of the wires so the tree can be brought in. Now, when there are no birds in an exhibit, rather than leaving up the old sign to confuse people, we put up a sign that says, 'Looking for me? Temporarily off display etc etc'. I am standing by this sign and I hear a lady walk by and read the sign and then say, 'Looking for me? Ha ha no.' So, let me get this straight, you are not looking for birds? You came into the bird house to not look at birds? That gem is just one of many.

Also, at least 75 percent of the people that walk by me as I am cleaning an exhibit would rather stare at me hosing out the pool than find and admire the birds in the cage. Ok there are some people that may think we move the birds out and just walk by or the few people that are probably just a bit awkward and don't just want to stand there and stare at me. Ok that is fine but, the people who stare, and these are adults not just kids, did you really come to the zoo to watch me clean? I mean, look, she uses this soap-like substance and it then is doused on the water holding basin. Oh my goodness, then, she takes this long tube with some kind of watery liquid gushing out of it to fill the basin. The birds seem to like this. I shall take note. Birds like water.

Another remark I have heard is when someone notices the birds going to the bathroom, someone exclaimed, 'aww don't do that'. Really? The bird should not deficate? You think it would survive more than a day without doing so? Why don't you try that yourself. See how uncomforable you get. Assface.

All done. Goodnight.

Oldies

Good evening! I haven't posted in such a while...maybe because my blogs tend to be quoted against myself but hey! That means they are being read.

I am here to discuss something. My own, and it has been inherited from my family, resourcefulness. I guess is one way to say it. For example, as a child in elementary school, for whatever reason, I always brought my lunch. I maybe bought lunch...10 total times. And I doubt it was that many. I guess I was just used to it, it was probably cheaper etc. So, I used to have packed for me similar things and what not, usually in a plastic bag or two. Never did I throw away these plastic bags. I re-used them until the seams broke and they were no longer bags. Then I got a new one. The seam breaking happened frequently with my snack bag that always contained pretzels and eventually contained large amounts of pretzels because everyone knew me to have pretzels and people would ask for a couple. Just that little thing has turned into a habit. I feel weird throwing away a plastic bag that had say, a sandwich in it. Seems wasteful to me. Oh and all the twist ties we have saved. We never throw away twist ties. Actually, my Dad might throw as many as possible away now just because he is so used to there being too many. (He is the same way with hair ties. We used to have this constant influx of hair ties and so I guess he got into the habit of throwing them away so that now, when there is not a constant flow of them, he still throws them away and we have to remind him to not do that.) This next practice, my household is not alone in I believe. Rather than, when my ankle or arm or leg hurts, simply taking a tylenol or ibuprofen, I wrap it. Always have. Only when I was little and liked the taste of children's tylenol and would say that my stomach hurt to get one have I ever taken tylenol a lot. Now, wrap it. I usually get aches at night anyway so I just wrap it and go to bed. I don't feel the need to pop pills. I mean, there are people out there that take like, 5 ibuprofen because they 'don't work' anymore. That is ridiculous. I had my wisdom teeth out and I tried the painkillers they gave me which just ended up making me feel like vomitting with every move I made. I instead took two, TWO ibuprofen, and that sufficed. People probably don't even have real pain to kill and just pop ibuprofen by the handful for say, emotional problems or stress and that is why they 'aren't working'. But I digress.

Just lots of little things make up who I am and the habits I have made. I just got to thinking on that randomly. There are definitely more but maybe I will come back to that another time.

A feeling I know all too well

I don't know how I would describe it. There really is no way to describe it to someone who hasn't experienced it. The whole world seems to be spinning around you. The world seems darker. You notice details you never did before. Thoughts flood your head and at the same time, everything is gone. Words escape and are lost. You want to say something to those around you and even to yourself, yet, there is nothing to say. You want to think about it but there are no thoughts to be had. You want to escape. You want to be infinitely far away from the present situation. You feel lost where you stand. Life is all around you and yet, your place isn't here. Emotions cloud your vision and not one can even be expressed. The emptiness. The helplessness. I can't think of words to describe it. The feeling is just out of reach. You begin to feel like there are things to do but...what? Is there really anything to do? Even if you do become very productive, the feeling is still in your mind. It is the underlying cause of your keeping busy. As soon as you stop, it floods your mind and overwhelms you with the feelings you should have been feeling the whole time. You want someone to be there for you and at the same time, you want everyone to leave you alone. It is as if no one else understands. Even if they do, even if they are affected more than you personally, they don't know. Nothing seems quite right.

This one just takes me back to the others.

Verano

It is quite a blustery day down here in Springfield today. There are also large groups of formally dressed students wandering about the campus for a large speech event. It is getting warmer outside and the forecast shows 80's for the end of the week. Which both sound good to me (the week ending and the weather being hot).

I have homework but I would much rather read and get lost in my leisure book. It is such a calm cool night now and I have the window open so I can enjoy every bit of it. I plan to spend many a summer night absorbing the fantastic feel of the beautiful cool nights. Not that I have anything against daytime, because I do adore the blazing sun on a hot summer day, but the night has such charm to me. I usually travel into a different mindset at night. The day consists of tasks and finishing things and business as usual while the night you are free to explore the deepest corners of your thoughts. Nighttime is my play time. I love running around late at night in the city, or, I guess, South County more likely. Well I would enjoy running around the city but I don't make it that far very often. A ball game would be fantastic. I plan on going to many of those this summer. I would love to find some totally secluded place and just go and look at the stars should I be able to see many of them in the city or anywhere near it. I have a couple ideas actually.

I guess it is pretty obvious that I am anticipating this summer more than ever. I will conclude my boring speech about my obsessiveness with summer.

Birthday

My birthday is almost upon me. I think I am making the switch from enjoying my birthday to not really liking it so much. Which is kind of sad. When I was little, it was the best day! Everyone paid attention to me, gave me gifts, was happy that I am alive. Now, I guess I am expecting my birthday to be as fun as it was when I was little. Since it has these high expectations, when it turns out to not be great, I am crushed. Last year for example, I had my birthday on a school day. Ok that is fine. Except this school day happened to be the same day that most of my friends went on a trip to Six Flags. I was alone, at school on my birthday. Not the greatest. This year it turns out, my Dad won't even be in town. And not some coinsidental thing. He is going to Houston. Fantastic.

I cannot do anything about getting older. Oh. Except, I want to try and accomplish as many things as I can while I am 18. That is about the only thing that I can do. Because, time is not going to stop. Not even a little. I haven't even like, gotten a tattoo or a piercing or bought some cigarettes, which, I don't smoke but I always thought I would do it for the sake of being able to do it. I have 20 days to try and figure out things to do. I am not sure I will do more than study and sit in my stupid dorm room. Woot. I cannot wait.

I am also a little intimidated by what 19 will bring. I guess, realistically, I will go through a wonderful summer and another year of college. But throughout all that, I will have many a responsibility and challenge. Well there's something to think about.

Oh summer...

I miss summer. It is so close. I cannot wait.

One of my favorite things about summer is, well, being in Saint Louis. I have spent many summers in Cheyenne but St. Louis summers are my favorite. The humidity. Yeah I know that sounds silly but I do like it. I really love warm nights cruising through the city hearing that announcer for the Cardinals talking. I could ride around the city with the windows down on a warm night, all night, and it would be the best thing ever. If my friends were with me, that would be even better. Like the math night was great because we just all rode around.

Another fun summer night was the few I spent in Arizona with my wonderful cousins. Those nights, it "cooled" off at night and was around 80 degrees. Oh I do miss those nights. We had a blast. And during the day, I would always suggest that we go outside. Then of course, I got resistance saying how hot it is and etc. Then we would go outside. One time I think it was to go "scorpian" hunting. That turned into us standing underneath a tree for a little while and proceeded into us turning the automatic sprinklers at each other. Another time, it was the hose. Then of course we went swimming several times. I just love summer.

This summer has good prospects. We are going to take an epic trip. Hopefully just spend a lot of time with each other in general. I really cannot wait. Oh...I guess I should enjoy Spring Break for the time being. It feels like it is over already.

Winter

Hi blog world

I have a rant! I see it every day. I usually wake up in the morning and check the weather. I would like to know what I should wear outside so I don't freeze or possibly burn up should it be unseasonably warm as it has been recently. Should the temperature be anything below 50, I usually just grab my coat. If it is 20's I will add a scarf to that. It makes sense to me. I don't want to have numb arms by the time I get to class and I certainly don't want to put myself at risk to get sick. I still see it every day.

That "cool" person, well I guess I don't even need to put it in quotes because I would imagine that they are quite literally cool. The guy who is out in just a t-shirt when it is 30 degrees with a 17 degree wind-chill. I mean, come on. You are not fooling anyone. You are freezing your ass off. It is especially obvious when said dude has both hands buried as far as he can get them in his pockets. Way to go. You look like a fool and you are probably catching a cold as I am judging you and you are possibly killing brain cells, or, you dress like that because you have already killed so many brain cells because of your weekend activities. Anyway. It is even more funny to me when I see the ultimate, t-shirt and shorts! Oh man. Are you going for a record on how numb you can be and still make it from class to class? Is it really that uncool to wear a coat? Or even a jacket? Or even JEANS? So what if they are dirty. We know that they were two days dirty yesterday so wearing them one more day probably won't make a difference. I feel sorry for these people. I don't like being cold, and my face is usually pretty numb when I get to class so I can only imagine how uncomfortable you are.

Another one of my favorites, people getting over excited for 50 degree sunny weather. Ok, it is a bit different. There is an edge taken off of the cold, however, it is still COLD. It was around 50 degrees the other day, yet, there was a wind chill that made it at least 30 degrees. The sun did feel nice but I observed on several different people *light jackets*. I feel like they should learn by now that wind has a penetrating effect. It will skip right past your jacket and onto your skin and you might as well not even be wearing your light jacket.

So epic fail on this college campus. Jackets are not so square. Really, they just keep you warm. They are not even that much of a hassle. I feel that they are worth the hassle. Which is basically nonexistent.

Thinking

I enjoy alone time. I like to think. My brain provides plenty of entertainment.  I keep wanting to say "pensar". My brain is in Spanish mode apparently.  

I have been thinking about my Cheyenne years a lot recently.  I miss them dearly. I just, up and abandoned them. I didn't even say goodbye to my house. Like, I know that is silly but that kind of left a sore spot in me.  I was angry that week before I left. I just quickly said some goodbyes and left. I didn't even acknowledge it as much as I should have.  Plus, my house held lots of important memories that I don't want to forget. With special people that I don't want to forget. To be honest, that is the place that I always am in my dreams. I have not had one dream about our place in St. Louis. I really don't mind either. That is where a piece of me is.  I can still feel the wind and smell that fresh, prairie air.  I can see a thousand different sunsets over the hill.  I can smell the barbecue.  I can feel the air flowing through the house on a cool summer evening. I wish I would have taken a moment to look back on this sooner. I refuse to forget it.  

I wish it was summer. Good memories always come from summer. I don't care what anyone says, summer is my favorite season. I love heat. I love warm nights more than anything.  I guess I always associated night with being cold. That is why I adore it when it is warm at night. Arizona brought some good nights. It was still like 80 degrees. That was heaven.  I really like all weather, but prefer warm.  I will probably live on the equator when I grow up.  

It is kind of weird to say that because, I am practically grown up now. But, I mean, I am still a kid, but I am getting to be the oldest kind of kid there is.  I will never lose my kid spirit either.

I think being forced to grow up a little too fast will help with that. But, I am really a carefree kind of person.  I just want to have fun.  I will definitely have my own swing set in my backyard and a huge trampoline. Bigger than normal.  Those were good memories too! Jumping on a trampoline with a sprinkler underneath is probably the best way to cool down in the summer time.  

I didn't think about what I was supposed to think about today.  I just don't know how to grieve. Its not such an easy thing. 

Hide and seek

Emotions are fragile.  You can bend them and break them.  You can put them in a box and hide them away deep inside the core of your being. Where they sit. Not only do they sit, they expand. They get antsy and unsettling.  They escalate.  You may put a sad situation away in a box. Keep it with you to experience and grieve over later.  Meanwhile you take in the world as usual and experience happiness. Though how real can that be? You take each emotion as it comes. Disposing of it as you wish. Hide it, throw it out, envelop and swim in it, stomp on it before it happens? They have become desensitized. That is where they will always be.  In your core. Love being the most fragile. Simply speaking about it makes it shy away from reality. Ending before it begins. 

"Quiero  hacer contigo 

lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos"

Guess who doesn't care...

I am sure I am one of many ranting about today, technically yesterday (glad THAT is over).

Commercialization.  Dramatized.  Pressured.  Ruined and taken over by materials.  That is all that February 14th has to show for itself.  I am sure there are couples out there who do love each other, somewhere.  Maybe they celebrate it appropriately.  Maybe it has always been a special date that goes above and beyond the fact that it is "Valentines Day".  Good for them.  That is good.  Not the rest.

There is pressure to buy chocolates.  Women expect their significant others to buy them SOMETHING on this day.  No.  Ew.  Don't subject yourself to this.  Find another day to celebrate.  A unique day.  Not the same day that everyone else is forcing themselves to like each other more because it is "tradition".  Maybe, show that much love to each other EVERY DAY!  That would seem to make more sense.  Probably too much for some people to grasp.  Probably because what they call "love" might not be exactly that.  People get carried away.  I have a friend that I worry about all the time because said friend is going through some swooning and may be blind in the process.  It just hurts because I have seen it before and it ended badly.  Awfully.  I can only hope this goes differently.

Today should not be a day of forced recognition.  It will probably dwindle down until it is forced that everyone, even strangers, go around saying "I love you" to each other.  Love will turn into a generic item you can buy at the store and throw around like the dollar bill.  I hope that this stupid day can show people how wronged love is.  It is put to shame and labeled with a price tag.  The bigger the teddy bear, the bigger the box of chocolates, or who knows, maybe, chocolate diet pills this year because your wife is *watching her weight*.  

Ok I am done.

Can't escape my brain

I have not posted in a while. Hi blogsphere!

Today was a balmy 65 degrees for most of the day and while it was semi-overcast, it was still delightful.  We opened the dorm window and let some fresh air in. It was wonderful.  This weekend was nice too.  I talked to my good friend for a long time on the phone. It is so nice to catch up with friends.  Plus, it isn't a catching up like this will be our only phone call for the next year. It is a good catching up so we don't become out of touch for long. Then the rest of the weekend I have been bumming around slightly studying Spanish.  Listening to music of course too.  

I feel like this blog is too unproductive.  I don't have anything to address tonight. Or at least not in depth.  I have an idea.  It is that love is only an evolutionary benefit and nothing more.  That it was evolved in humans to keep us alive and reproducing.  Wouldn't that be sad? Love is just to make sure we mate and keep reproducing.  I bet if someone who is in love reads this they will have plenty to counter. I hope they do.  But seriously, what if it is? What if it is just some chemical attraction that sparks certain feelings in our brain and since it has been so successful at getting humans to mate, it has stayed with us in our evolution? Huh. Interesting. 

On that topic, since I do kind of believe in love, I feel like the whole, courtship thing is rather complicated.  I mean, lots of people start it off with physical attraction, but plenty of people are physically attracted to plenty of other people.  So that is kind of weak.  Then, comes the personality.  Which is really what a lot more of where the compatibility should come from.  I just don't think that physical attraction is anything real. Everyone can be physically attracted to a beautiful woman or man. So what? Thats not love in any way.  It is like a million more things.  Ok done ranting about that.

There is this opportunity to study in Egypt over this winter.  I really want to go to Egypt. I would also earn 3 credit hours.  I really want to go to Egypt.  The itinerary looks fantastic. Part of the time we are on a cruise on the Nile.  We would get to see Luxor and study in some prestigious Universities.  I would hate to miss this opportunity.  I just am not made out of money.

Notas

Music is probably my favorite thing.  I like its emotion provoking tendencies.

This silly book I am reading for Alpha class has me thinking a bit.  It is a tad preachy I think but there are some good points that the author makes.  He was discussing how people want to be alone yet with people through texting and instant messaging which is a kind of weird concept. I just got to thinking about how "I'm bored" is heard all too often in today's society.  It seems like, people need to be constantly entertained. I mean, how bored are you really? Can you not just sit there and think? Does someone or thing have to always do the thinking for you? People are lazy probably.  We always need a T.V. show or webpage, of which there are usually a few open, or a friend to gossip with, or a video game, or something that instantly appeals to us.  There is no time to embrace a feeling before we have to feel a new one.  People will do anything to feel a sensation and quickly assess it and admit they felt it then move on to something else.  How does anyone know what they feel? I even personally need to slow down and just, do nothing and FEEL how I feel. Because right now I know I have several feelings but I cannot pinpoint any of them or even grasp and really feel them. I miss being able to sit around and be "bored" and just feel things.  How do you even know what you are feeling is anything? It is some color/light/sound stimulated response and nothing more.  I wonder where all the real feelings are.  

Cheer up

Does anyone else think that maybe emos are todays version of hippies? I mean, hippies wanted to do weird shit and freak people out by being different, and whether or not emos realize it, that is what they are doing.  Except emos are selfish and cut themselves and want to die. I think hippies did drugs to enhance life or whatever, maybe emos cutting themselves is the parallel of hippies smoking pot. Hippies had their own music and music that no one else understood or liked, emos have that. Lets see, it all connects in a weird way, although hippies were for peace, that could relate to emos because they are for...bad haircuts? I don't know. There might be something all emos want to portray.  That is kind of fun to think about.  Both don't want to conform. Like, hippies want to stick it to "the man" and I am sure emos don't want to be normal. Because they aren't.  So there's that.  Both come in groups.  It's times like this I really want a net gun.

If you ever want to buy a great set of headphones, get yourself some Bose headphones. Mine are superb.  Its quality beyond your imagination.  You can hear all kind of things in songs you did not even notice before.  Anyways, not to promote them or anything.

So its back to school tomorrow. This break has been nice.  I really appreciated it. It felt long enough and I have come to the epiphany that I need to get my ass in gear and get good grades and be motivated and maybe spend some more time in the library.  Or a lot of time in the library. Because I can never stay focused in my room, it sucks the focus out of me and pushes the distractions into view.  Plus now I have a nice new coat to keep me warm if I should need to face the weather.  I have quite a positive outlook for this semester. I will succeed. That is what is in my brain. And I am excited to do so. I am glad to be so happy about college. It makes life easier. Since college is a large portion of my life at the moment.  

I really wish we lived somewhere where you could see more stars at night.  I bet the lake will be secluded enough for millions of stars.

Archaea Bacteria Eukarya

Animals are the most fascinating thing to me.  Each and every one of them has some cool survival technique and some weird mating ritual and some fancy talent.  I just have to learn more about them.  There is no choice in my mind.  It all depends on which animal I find MOST intriguing. That will be my toughest choice.  Plus, I really love dinosaurs and they are all dead.  What a bummer.

It will be easy to study animals because there are so many and so many more undiscovered. So I may end up cataloguing new bacteria but at least one will be named after me.  I really could be a taxonomist.  I would be busy for the rest of my life thats for sure.  I feel like I am compulsive enough to organize all of the species and what makes them certain species and what makes that family that family and that class that class etc.  That would be fun to me.  But being out in the wild is even more fun.  I want to hunt down illusive animals and scuba dive to see whales and go spelunking to find albino blind newts, which I now kind of feel sorry for even though they are ugly and have freaky external gills. They are so pathetic though. And their toes are cute.  I want to know what they eat.  But I feel my true passion is birds.  I could watch my bird preen for hours. That is just one measly little pet cockatiel.  I can study different parrots and owls and raptors and water fowl and penguins.  Or whales. I could study whales forever.  Their hearts can be as big as a VW bug.  I cannot even imagine the power of that muscle.  

I know this is a big word, and I would hope to stir up the pot on a definition or lets say part of the definition because I honestly think this might be one of those things that exceeds words and is actual moments, of course I speak of love.  I want to just throw some things out there as part of the definition.  I think that a trait that is part of love is complete patience.  I don't think it is simply romantic when someone says they will wait forever, I think that is one of those real love moments.  I know that in movies its all over done and put out of proportion but patience is practically gone in our society and love brings it out, true love that is.  Maybe it is something about love that brings out all kinds of good traits. I am sure that I have heard that somewhere "it brings out the best in a man..." or whatever.  But that sounds right.  People in love are happier and make people around them happier don't they?  Understanding is also one of those key traits.  That does not necessarily mean agreement. It is that knowing without the person having told them.  It is such a natural thing and it has to be there.

I am done babbling about love.  More on that when I have some experience.

Devour

G'day! 

I will be saying that soon enough :D I wonder if I can go my sophomore year in the spring. I will talk to my study abroad advisor when I get back to school.  A lot of things will be in motion when I get back to school.  Which will make me feel better because everything is at a standstill right now for me. Everyone else around me is running around doing things and I am sitting here. I am getting quite a pathetic feeling.  I will never be a bum without a job or classes or a career. I would feel too sorry for myself and be in a slump and that would not last long.

Tonight I am going to briefly discuss the media. As it is the topic of a book I have to read for school.  The author has already made some good points.  He is trying to explain how the media is so intertwined in our lives that it is natural to expect it for some younger people or those being born into it.  Which, makes sense. Plus, it is all anyone talks about. T.V. shows, commercials, internet whatevers, celebs.  I feel awkward talking to people that start conversations with "Oh did you see American Idol last night?" mainly because I don't like that show. But I am not the kind of person to respond with "No, that show is fucking dumb" because I am pretty nice.  Still, it feels to me that that is what the majority of people discuss. I honestly feel that is why I am not a social little person. I don't care about all of the normal T.V. shows and celebrities and clothing styles and what the hell else those people talk about.  I would rather discuss ideas and plans and theories and intellectual things.  Does anyone out there want to discuss that with me because I feel alone a lot.  I mean, no one is dedicated to anything anymore. Besides, drinking on the weekends, catching up with their celebrity gossip and Gossip Girl and facebook stalking their friends (which I do sometimes but not to the extent of some people) and gossiping in general. I think I wrote about this already but, how can you  be "friends" with like, way too many people, then talk about their lives to their friends and be fulfilled with your life? I just don't see how.  Plus, back to the media book, the author was discussing how the media provides us with instant and infinite information.  Which, ok, I can see how the brain likes information and all kinds of different stuff and how a T.V. provides that easily.  Flashing colors, images, sounds, situations, places, people, things, the T.V. has it all.  So for example, I personally cannot stop learning. I love just looking things up on Wikipedia or in books or having someone teach me.  This means to me that my brain is always looking to learn something and T.V. usually provides enough stimulation. However, it is so tainted with whatever T.V. show producers and advertising agents want us to see that I cannot handle that much of it. Honestly, a T.V. show every now and then would completely suffice for me. I do enjoy the shows that teach me things more than others.  PBS is usually full of those.  I do reading. I wish we had some encyclopedias around so I could read them. I would certainly read them all the time.  If I picked up the "E" volume I am sure it would have enough random information to satisfy my hunger.

I just hate being barraged with advertisements.  Seriously, less than half even apply to me.  

The years we live in

Rant time! Oh wait, Hi everyone. It was a lovely Sunday was it not? We went by some potential sunflower fields. Or at least during the summer they are. I want to run through them in the summer one day.

I feel like today, people are changed. And quite drastically from even my fathers time. For example, we were talking about ADD and how it did not really "exist" when my dad was young. He just said "kids played outside..." I mean, its that simple. People found a way to entertain themselves that did not involve a screen.  Their dad went to work, their mom cleaned the house and probably shooshed the kids outside until dinner.  I wish that had happened to me more often. And kids around me too so I would have someone to adventure with.  I think had that happened, I would have had an even better childhood.  If my mom had just told us to go play outside, and we walked down to the park and made friends and played in the pond and stuff, that would have made me into a more sociable person I think. My siblings and I did that entertain yourself thing but mostly inside.  And not with screens which is important I think.  Although there was when we got our Game Boys.  But I think that was just on the edge of the technological advancement on the brains of human children.  And we did not have a lot of money so we didn't own all the fancy systems. Plus, those can only provide so much entertainment.  Today, the internet reins and kids are losing their social lives to typing on a screen to other people on their facebook walls and sitting on their asses so long they get numb.  Doesn't anyone want to appreciate the outdoors anymore? I know I do. Especially since we are demolishing and building crap on more of it day by day.

I really would like to go to Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. For two reasons, I really want to go to Africa and I like saying that name.  I have learned my African countries and feel quite proud.  Also, I would like to go to Mauritius and be sad about the Dodos I am not seeing.

Well, as much as I would like to discuss singularity right now, I think I will save that rant for another time. Though, it should be fun.

R n R

Hola huevos and huevas. Not sure the second word is a word, but it has the feminine thing going on. So I have been looking into studying abroad in Australia. It looks fantastic so far. If I go to Macquarie University I might meet or hopefully be taught by Professor Richard Frankham who is a biologist named one of the world's best scientists of the 21st century. Which I think, personally, might look good on a graduate school application.  However, that school in is Sydney which may be too urban and terrifying for me. I don't know yet.  I also would like to go to the University of Tasmania. And the more I look into it the better it sounds. An excursion you can do is to go scuba diving around shipwrecks and coral reefs I'm sure but, shipwrecks?! Is that not amazing? I think it would be. I am getting excited thinking about it. 

I really like water. I feel like it is underrated. People always finding some new healthy thing to drink. Green tea or gatorade or whatever. None of those things are as good as regular water.  I mean, half of those things don't even quench my thirst like water does. I mean, if I say "I'm thirsty" and someone is like, "Here's a soda", I take it as an insult almost. Soda is an epic failure at quenching my thirst. The bubbles make me more thirsty sometimes and flat soda is nasty and so sugary that I cannot handle it.  I do enjoy lemonade as a change of pace. Plus it is still good at making me less thirsty. Also, I think my beverage has to be cold if it is to do any good.  In short, I love water. I do like soda to enjoy but not to quench my thirst. Orange soda is my favorite.

National thoughts

Hello blogosphere.  How beith you this fine eve?  I wish people still spoke "ye olde english".  Maybe I should spend more time at Medieval Fairs.  I really just want to speak lots of languages. I feel they help us grasp our native language better. Hence why people who speak English as a second language always have funny word insights. I always try to think of them myself but fail.  I might be clever to someone else in another language one day.

I feel my generation is lazy overall.  Or at least I am constantly around the lazy people because all of those I meet of my age or near it are not very serious about anything. Or at least not open about said seriousness because all I see from people is laziness and boring "lets gossip about people" tendencies.  I saw a quote that said (random thought: if there was an automatic eye dropping machine that automatically dropped eye drops into your eyes, would you need to blink any more?)

 Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

That is the quote right there. I like it because it seems the people with all the friends are the ones talking about each other. Wow. Are you really friends if you are just discussing other peoples' lives?  Why don't you live your own life and really enjoy it? How can you enjoy your own life if all it consists of is other peoples' lives?  That means you need those other people to enjoy life.  That is all too sad.  For those people anyway. I plan to have myself a good life that does not depend on other people for fun. Now, don't get me wrong, my friends and I have the best of times. But, I don't need those people to have fun. I can read a good book. Go to a museum and enjoy a nice piece of art. (I could probably spend hours in that room at the Saint Louis Art Museum with the Van Gogh's in it.) And it seems like these people are the ones that are going to turn into the ones that feed the TV market and NASCAR racing and boring mind numbing not productive things that we have in American society.  Maybe I am pessimistic about it. I guess only time will tell.

I want to go to Australia more than ever right now. I am looking at study abroad opportunities there. All I can say is, wow.

Oh and notice my perfect alignment. I don't like this way either. I have to ignore it when I see books written this way. Too...perfect. Not natural.

It takes more than a heartbeat to get me

Well apparently watching House is not going to happen because neither myself or my sister are making any movement towards the PS2....

Hi guys. Look at me be regular about updating. I enjoy widely viewable broadcasting of my own words.  Kind of exciting.  To me at least. Probably boring to all of you. I am going to stop being so negative. Oh look, now my entry is aligned to the center. I feel like only poems should be like this.  Ok lets get down to business.

I feel a strong urge to visit and study in another country. Like Australia for example. I am kind of feeling an urge to go someplace warm. That could be that thing people get in the winter. Depression due to the lack of sunshine. I find that awesome that the sun gives us vitamin D and warms our climate importantly but effects our emotions? Fine with me. I love sunshine.  I can even tell the difference between winter sunshine and summer sunshine.

I am thinking about food a lot.  Does garlic maybe trigger appetite? I really could go for some pudding right now. Maybe my metabolism is needing nutrients because I have been sitting around doing nothing. Maybe I have obesity...of the mind. I am not physically fat.  But might be thinking about food too much. Or who knows it could be that urge to eat when I am bored that I get a lot.  Or I could be depressed because I am sleeping a lot and not necessarily wanting to.  That would be fun. Can one be depressed and not be...depressed? Because I sure don't feel particularly sad.  Probably deep down I am sad. Probably unhealthy to be like this too. Oh man I could go for some ice cream.

No longer a virgin

Oh my gosh. Its my first blog. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Well I know I have to at least say things so here are some things...

I am probably going to use this blog to rant my face off...or maybe my fingers...when I have some crazy thought going through my head. Might get personal. Who knows. Depends on my mood. I am kinda hoping people will read it although it will not break my heart if no one does. Is it going to drive everyone batty that I have my words aligned to the right? Maybe I will find some code to make my words aligned vertically too so I can go Japanese style on this blogs ass.

I am not feeling the creative juices. Or even the clever juices. Or even the I am a girl with a ton of problems to bitch about juices. However, I am feeling the, I want to watch some Spongebob juices.

I will return.